Well, I got my first Covid shot. No reaction, no swelling, no problem. And to think - some in the medical community were concerned that it might affect a body’s DNA. Personally, I didn’t notice any change in my appearance, though some say I am little greener than before. I don’t particularly like shots. The only thing I want forced inside me is food, and maybe beer. But they say if you get … [Read more...]
Shirley Mae Roomba
I suppose we have arrived. We now have a live-in maid. Her name is Shirley Mae. She lives under a desk in our bedroom. She is a Roomba, a robot vacuum cleaner. Nancy got Shirley Mae for Christmas. I wish it had been my idea, but it was my daughter, Angelin, who delivered the goods. Shirley Mae has been a great addition to our home. I don’t know why, but ours is one of dustiest houses in … [Read more...]
Attention Guys (Only)
Do not let your wives see this article. They think we are a bunch of dumb bunnies and can’t cook our way out of a Kroger’s grocery bag. We’ll show ‘em. About this time every year, ladies go into the kitchen to make special holiday stuff – jellies, cookies, cakes, candy and even fruit cake. They take out every possible pot and pan along with every spice in the rack to create their … [Read more...]
The Banner Sausage Caper
I began camping with a group of guys in the fall of 1980. Every spring and fall since then, we have reassembled, celebrating our 40th anniversary this October. On the initial camping trip to the Cranberry River in West Virginia, one of my campmates, George Gillespie - who was observing as I cooked breakfast - said that he would bring some Banner Sausage on the next trip and cook it. … [Read more...]
The Law of the Cantaloupe Seed
We have many laws governing our universe. There is the Law of Gravity, there is Einstein’s Law of Relativity, there is Newton’s Law of Motion and - of course – there is Brewer’s Law of the Cantaloupe Seed. What? You’ve never heard of Brewer’s Law of the Cantaloupe Seed. That’s only because of government-run schools. They don’t teach real science. The Law of the Cantaloupe Seed is well-proven … [Read more...]
The Name is Bond, James Bond
They finally got James Bond. Maybe it was Dr. No, but probably Goldfinger. Yes, James Bond died this week. The real and only James Bond – Sean Connery. The others were imposters. They were like Mall Santa’s. Sean was the real deal. I read my first Ian Fleming book back in college. I had seen a review in Playboy Magazine (I only bought it for the articles). I couldn’t put the book down. Just … [Read more...]
The Strawberry Packer
I’d like to meet him someday - the Strawberry Packer, a man of immense skills. The Strawberry Packer is in charge of distribution, to make sure that the strawberries are properly sorted in each 16-ounce container. If every strawberry in the carton was perfectly ripe and juicy, then customers would come to expect that and would surely end up disappointed. But the Strawberry Packer … [Read more...]
Making Apple Rubber Jelly
My wife Nancy has become quite the “canner”. We have more Mason jars in our basement than Wal-Mart. Regularly, Nancy cans jalapeno peppers, tomatoes, pickles, doorknob peppers, pickled okra, beets and whatever our gardens produce. She is also into jams and jellies and recently put up 9 pints of peach preserves that are simply delicious. She calls it her “Liquid Gold”. Really … [Read more...]
It’s a Southern Thing, Y’all
(This has been around for a while, but it’s too good to print only once, y’all.) There ain't no magazine named "Northern Living" for good reason. Who wants to live up north? Nobody would buy the magazine! Southerners know everybody's first name: Honey Darlin' Shugah Southerners know their three religions: Bapdiss Methdiss Football Only a Southerner knows how many … [Read more...]
Chipmunk Races
I am going to be rich. We’re talking “Buy-a-100-foot-yacht” rich. I suppose I’ll continue doing Cville Buzz, but just for fun. I won’t need any revenue. Rich! I’m going to be really rich. This morning when I went out in the back yard, I saw one chipmunk chasing another chipmunk. Chipmunks are fast as it is, they can haul chipmunk ass. But when one chipmunk is pissed about something and … [Read more...]
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