A new sport is sweeping the nation, so popular that the International Olympic Committee is considering it as an event. It is Meal Worm Tossing. Tens of thousands are now honing their skills by tossing meal worms in mid-air to awaiting frogs in goldfish ponds. I stand corrected. Snopes, the friendly fact checker, says my numbers aren’t exactly right. Instead of tens of thousands, it’s more like … [Read more...]
Frog Hanky Panky
We stocked our little goldfish pond with a half-dozen bullfrog tadpoles this spring, and one by one, they emerged. Then we saw a 7th frog, then an 8th. Some hanky panky was going on. The unaccounted-for amphibians were leopard frogs. One night this spring, there were some frog shenanigans going on and now we have a pond full of leopard frogs. There was even one born in our small lily pond, though … [Read more...]
On Becoming a Farmer
I bought myself a farm this week with a thousand head of livestock. Well, I call them livestock. Others might call them worms. Yes, I bought a worm farm with a thousand red wigglers. Why? My wife asked the same question, but there are four good reasons. First, I like worms. They are one of the most interesting creatures on the planet. Second, I have a small goldfish pond full of baby … [Read more...]
Help Wanted: DMV
The Charlottesville Branch of the Division of Motor Vehicles is seeking a qualified individual as a Front Desk Service Associate to replace Isabel Fang, a longtime DMV employee. Isabel had to leave DMV because she got into a fight with a seeing-eye Pit Bull dog accompanying a blind customer trying to retitle his car. Isabel beat up the Pit Bull pretty badly and the Animal Rights people demanded … [Read more...]
Special Entertainment
I was treated to a dazzling display of special entertainment this week. My wife, Nancy, performed a little synchronized swimming act in our very own goldfish pond. It happened this way. Nancy had set up a row of chairs beside our pond for front-row observation of our frogs and goldfish. The chairs were less than a foot from the pond and I warned that someone could lose their balance and fall in. … [Read more...]
Camping and the Average Man
During the course of the life of an average man there comes a time when he takes complete leave of his senses and does incredibly stupid things – like go camping. After rising to the top of the food chain and having access to things like heat pumps, wide screen TVs and multiple jet showers, some average men deem it desirable to forego the pleasantries of life and live among a cluster of … [Read more...]
53 Roses
Fifty-three years is a long time – five decades and change. But that’s how long I have been married to the same lady, the former Nancy Angeline Goldsmith. We tied the knot on March 3, 1968. Remember 1968? Lyndon Johnson was in his last year of office and said there was no way in hell he’d run again. The Vietnam War hung like an albatross around his neck. 1968 was a year of turmoil with … [Read more...]
Pour Off the Grease
Sooner or later if you happen to be cooking, you’ll come across these instructions: Pour off the grease. This happens, for instance, when you brown hamburger. The burger gets brown but the grease just sits there and says, “Now what?” You will now be required to pour off the grease from the pan so your spaghetti sauce will not clog half the arteries in North America. But that’s not as simple as … [Read more...]
Covid Shots
Well, I got my first Covid shot. No reaction, no swelling, no problem. And to think - some in the medical community were concerned that it might affect a body’s DNA. Personally, I didn’t notice any change in my appearance, though some say I am little greener than before. I don’t particularly like shots. The only thing I want forced inside me is food, and maybe beer. But they say if you get … [Read more...]
Shirley Mae Roomba
I suppose we have arrived. We now have a live-in maid. Her name is Shirley Mae. She lives under a desk in our bedroom. She is a Roomba, a robot vacuum cleaner. Nancy got Shirley Mae for Christmas. I wish it had been my idea, but it was my daughter, Angelin, who delivered the goods. Shirley Mae has been a great addition to our home. I don’t know why, but ours is one of dustiest houses in … [Read more...]
- « Previous Page
- 1
- …
- 4
- 5
- 6
- 7
- 8
- …
- 11
- Next Page »