I am going to be rich.
We’re talking “Buy-a-100-foot-yacht” rich. I suppose I’ll continue doing Cville Buzz, but just for fun. I won’t need any revenue. Rich! I’m going to be really rich.
This morning when I went out in the back yard, I saw one chipmunk chasing another chipmunk. Chipmunks are fast as it is, they can haul chipmunk ass. But when one chipmunk is pissed about something and chases another one, they go really, really fast. A radar gun would be unable to time them. They were like two little, brown blurs streaking across the yard. I don’t think their feet even touched the ground – two miniature rodent rocketships at full throttle.
And then dawned on me. I am going to race chipmunks.
This is a perfect year to launch my new business because last winter at least three mother chipmunks had litters and they are all in our yard. There are so many chipmunks it will be easy to catch a few for my new start-up.
I intend to catch chipmunks and dye them different colors – bright yellow, royal blue, red, etc.
When the dye dries I am going to paint little numbers on their sides – like 42, 33, 11, 7, etc. Next, I’ll sew little STP patches on their rears. I’m going to put them all in a crate, take them to Florida and turn them loose at Daytona International Speedway. The Chipmunk 500. Animal Planet will pay millions for the TV rights. NASCAR won’t have a prayer.
You know, I might even buy a little Cessna, too.
“Gentlemen, start your chipmunks!”