Having too much time on your hands is not a good thing. For example. I had ordered 5,000 meal worms for my bluebirds and they came in a vented box with a bunch of cardboard to separate the layers. I inspected the contents, and all looked well, except…. How do you know if they really sent you 5,000 mealworms? If they only packed 4,900 that would be a 2 percent shortage and if some fiendish worm … [Read more...]

I am a charter member of the Charlottesville Procrastinator’s Club. We meet next Thursday, but possibly Friday. We’ll see. Anyway, I am an expert at putting things off till the last minute which drives my wife, Nancy, nuts. Last December, and don’t tell my fellow Procrastinators this, I got my registration renewal from DMV and rather than filing it away in my Get Around Tuit box, I did the … [Read more...]

In our past cruise attempts, we have gone with Norwegian, and we have been very pleased. On our cruises to Hawaii, we sailed aboard the Pride of America, a 920-foot ship that services about 2,200 passengers. The Norwegian Joy dwarfs that liner. This baby would occupy most of the Barracks Road Shopping Center. It’s 1,100 feet long and holds over 4,000 passengers with a crew of 1,821, of which 8 … [Read more...]

Women have an almost extra-terrestrial ability to transmit neurological signals through space with a single piercing look. It’s called the Evil Eye, and both children and grown men live in fear of it. My wife, Nancy, has perfected the use of her Evil Eye, which can deliver up to 500 volts of “You better watch your ass” with a range of up to 300 yards in clear weather. She used it … [Read more...]

One day, a fellow at the local bar had a bit too much to drink and decided to go ice fishing. He staggered out onto the ice and drilled a hole. As he peered into the hole, a loud voice called out, “There are no fish down there.” The drunk walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, “There are no fish down there.” He then … [Read more...]

(From Sharing Southern Fare) ELEPHANT STEW 12 medium size elephants 1 ton salt 1 ton pepper 500 bushels of potatoes 211 bushels carrots 4,000 springs parsley 2 small rabbits (optional)   Cut elephant meat into bite-size pieces. This will take about 2 months. Cut vegetables into cubes (another 2 months.). Simmer for 4 weeks. Shovel in salt and pepper to taste. … [Read more...]

“You made your bed, now sleep in it!” That’s right. I did make the bed. It’s now my job. My first experience in bed-making was as an eight-year-old at a boy’s camp in western Virginia, called Camp Lake Pocahontas. We slept on wooden beds with a mattress, some sheets, a pillow, and a blanket. Each morning after revelry, we made our beds which were later inspected by the Camp … [Read more...]

“And do you, Jim, promise to have and hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, and do you promise to give up all your personal space for so long as you both shall live?” “I do.” And did I ever. While you gain a wonderful, lifetime partner in a marriage, you lose space. Your house or apartment is taken over completely. Walls where you would normally hang a mounted … [Read more...]

A couple weeks before Christmas, I was reminiscing with a friend about how great it was to get a Lionel train for Christmas. Then I wrote about a childhood experience with a train set. My wife, Nancy, was paying attention and damned if I didn’t get one for Christmas. It was a genuine Lionel Polar Express Battery-operated set, not one of those old metal ones that cost a thousand bucks. But it … [Read more...]

I'm going to retire and live off my savings. Not sure what I'll do the second week.   Old age is coming at a really bad time!   I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights".   My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance of idiots that needs work.   Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!   The kids … [Read more...]