Kindergarten had it right. You had to take a nap. Every day, you had to take a nap. “Put down your crayons, children. It’s nap time,” the teacher said. Some of the kids drifted off, while others. like me, tossed and turned and fidgeted, waiting to go outside and play “Red Rover, Red Rover” or “London Bridge is Falling Down.” Looking back, taking a nap every day isn’t such a bad idea. I … [Read more...]

A game warden sneaks up on a man sitting on the bank with a fishing rod and a bucket of minnows. “Let me see your fishing license,” the warden growls, certain that he has a culprit dead to rights. “I’m not fishing,” the man said. “I’m training my minnows.” “What do you mean, training minnows?” the warden asked. “These are special minnows. When I let them go in the water, and if I beat … [Read more...]

“Did you hear that?” Nancy asks. First, how could I possibly know what she is hearing at the time. It could be a cat two streets over, or an airplane approaching the Lynchburg Airport. And second, even if I knew what it was that she was hearing, I probably couldn’t have heard it in the first place. Women have especially intense hearing. It gets more sensitive after marriage and after … [Read more...]

It was the Fourth of July. Why not roast a pig? Never mind that I had never cooked a whole pig before nor did I even have a pig cooker, but I suggested the idea to my friend John Savides, and he agreed. The problem with having friends like John is that they will agree to most anything. “Look. There’s a wild bobcat! Think we can take him on?” “Let’s give it a try,” John would say. “Wanna … [Read more...]

There are many mysteries in the universe, but one that has not been solved is the Law of the Coffee Pot. Many scientists including Einstein, Darwin, Tesla, and Newton have studied this phenomenon, and none have come up with even a wild guess about what happens to coffee in a coffee pot. Every morning it’s the same. You carefully pour 10 cups of ordinary water in the coffee pot, then pour the … [Read more...]

Nancy and I took a trip across the mountains to the West Virginia State Fair last Sunday where we ate everything in sight – starting with Country Ham Sandwiches, followed by Pepperoni Pizza and piping hot Ben Ellen doughnuts, plus Corn Dogs and Hot Fudge Sundaes. Groan! But we saw pigs and lambs and Angus steers. We viewed all the vegetables and pies with blue ribbons, we visited the Butterfly … [Read more...]

I have not always had good luck when dealing with tire pressure and gauges – like last week. We were on I-40 heading from Greensboro to Winston Salem for a family reunion and the NCDOT had a done a number on one of the lanes as they prepared for a new highway. It sounded like a jack hammer as we drove across the jagged concrete, and I figured this was not good for the tires. I figured right, … [Read more...]

Remember the scene where Chevy Chase gets stuck in a roundabout in the movie European Vacation? He’s in there for hours and can’t get out. I know how he feels. I had a Come to Jesus experience with roundabouts last week. Someone Highway Engineer in the North Carolina Department of Transportation has come up with the idea that roundabouts are more efficient than stop signs and stop lights and … [Read more...]

Avocadoes are healthy, or so they say. One study said that if you eat avocadoes every day of your life, there’s a good chance you will rise from the dead after a couple weeks. I don’t eat avocadoes because they are good for you, I eat them because I like them. The big problem with avocadoes is the ripeness factor. If you decide on an avocado salad for dinner that night and go to the store, the … [Read more...]

Four times a year, an average man is called upon to do something completely foreign, a task at which he is ill equipped. At Mother’s Day, on his Anniversary, at Christmas and on his wife’s birthday, the average man must gift-wrap presents. First, the average man must come up with the proper wrapping paper. Bat Man and Robin gift wrap paper, for example, is not considered appropriate to enclose … [Read more...]