I’d like to meet him someday – the Strawberry Packer, a man of immense skills. The Strawberry Packer is the one in charge of distribution, to make sure that the strawberries are properly sorted in each 16-ounce container. If every strawberry in the carton was perfectly ripe and juicy, then customers would come to expect that and would surely end up disappointed. But the Strawberry Packer … [Read more...]

Nancy walked by my bare feet recently and stared in disbelief. “You need a pedicure,’ she said. “Not me,” I countered. “I’m a football-watching kind of guy.” “No, really, you’ll like it. Go to Happy Nails just down the street and ask for a basic pedicure.” Actually, the idea somewhat appealed to me since cutting my toenails recently has required a supreme effort. I am forced to crouch in positions … [Read more...]

A birthday disaster was narrowly averted at the Brewer residence. Let me explain. Nancy’s birthday is upcoming, and I have been visiting Mr. Amazon’s fine website on multiple occasions to secure presents she hopefully will use and enjoy. For the last week or so, the gifts have been arriving regularly on the front porch. When Amazon ships a present – already in a sturdy box – I usually … [Read more...]

It was the summer of 1973 and we had made close friends with Donald and Janice Ramirez from church. We ate at each other’s house, went out to eat together and had kids about the same age. It was destined to be a great friendship. They had even asked us to watch over their house in Woodbrook while they spent a week with family back in New Orleans. “I’d be delighted to feed the fish and the cats … [Read more...]

There is a land not-so-far away where as many men wear straw hats and suspenders as do those with baseball caps and cargo shorts. It’s a place where the clip-clop along the back roads of farming country is heard from graceful horses pulling the buggies of Amish gentlemen. It’s a land where the sweet aroma of Apple Pies cooling on a windowsill float in the air - where the spring earth is plowed … [Read more...]

We bought our first house, a 3-bedroom ranch in the Berkley subdivision. It wasn’t anything special, but it was ours. About 2 years after we moved in, we decided it was time to paint the house. It had been white with black shutters, but we decided that it would look much better if it was a cream color with red shutters. Since it was my house, I decided I would paint it, which was a questionable … [Read more...]

  (This has been around for a while, but it’s worth a reprint, y’all.) There ain’t no magazine named “Northern Living” for good reason. Who wants to live up north? Nobody would buy the magazine! Southerners know everybody’s first name: Honey  Darlin’  Shugah Southerners know their three religions: Bapdiss  Methdiss  Football Only a Southerner … [Read more...]

For the past 30 years, I have owned Jeeps; V-8s, gas guzzlers, big engines. Recently I bought a 2024 Mitsubishi Mirage – a Baby Hatchback. I don’t know what size engine it has, but it’s small. It fits in the glove compartment. It’s quite a change from my last several automobiles. The horn sounds like a little clown horn. People chuckle when I toot it. I think I’ll just get a seltzer bottle … [Read more...]

Kindergarten had it right. You had to take a nap. Every day, you had to take a nap. “Put down your crayons, children. It’s nap time,” the teacher said. Some of the kids drifted off, while others. like me, tossed and turned and fidgeted, waiting to go outside and play “Red Rover, Red Rover” or “London Bridge is Falling Down.” Looking back, taking a nap every day isn’t such a bad idea. I … [Read more...]

A game warden sneaks up on a man sitting on the bank with a fishing rod and a bucket of minnows. “Let me see your fishing license,” the warden growls, certain that he has a culprit dead to rights. “I’m not fishing,” the man said. “I’m training my minnows.” “What do you mean, training minnows?” the warden asked. “These are special minnows. When I let them go in the water, and if I beat … [Read more...]