Squirrels! How do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.
I hate thee when you chew the top off a $50 birdfeeder because there was once a seed inside.
I hate thee when you gnaw on my $20 plastic lawn chairs in the back yard for who knows why?
I despise thee when you sneak into my garden somehow, take one bite out of plump tomato and leave it there for the ants.
I hate thee when you chew the cover off my grill – just for fun and I truly hate thee when I plant my garden rows and you dig half of them up, totally screwing up my planting schedule.
I hate the hell out of thee when you squeeze your way into a wire covered, protected birdfeeder and eat my expensive sunflower hearts.
I also hate thee when you sneak into my shed while I am mowing the lawn and chew a hole in the bottom of a 40-pound bag of bird seed.
All I ask of thee is to give me one good shot at you with my Jeep when thou runnest across the road!!