Our local Department of Motor Vehicle Customer Service Center, otherwise known as the closest place to hell that you can find on this earth, will temporarily close for an interior renovation starting Oct. 31. They have some remodeling to do and think they can get back in the customer trashing and abasing business by December 6. DMV suggests that those who may need their services go … [Read more...]

Everybody has a favorite poem. Poetry is one of those artforms that can express intense feeling and emotions. It can be like an inspirational painting. Frost, Dickinson, Whitman, Eliot, Kipling, Emerson – great poets, one and all. My favorite poem was written by a fellow named Rufus Jones. It brings tears to my eyes when I recite it. It goes like this: It was a cold and wintry night A man … [Read more...]

A new sport is sweeping the nation, so popular that the International Olympic Committee is considering it as an event. It is Meal Worm Tossing. Tens of thousands are now honing their skills by tossing meal worms in mid-air to awaiting frogs in goldfish ponds. I stand corrected. Snopes, the friendly fact checker, says my numbers aren’t exactly right. Instead of tens of thousands, it’s more like … [Read more...]

We stocked our little goldfish pond with a half-dozen bullfrog tadpoles this spring, and one by one, they emerged. Then we saw a 7th frog, then an 8th. Some hanky panky was going on. The unaccounted-for amphibians were leopard frogs. One night this spring, there were some frog shenanigans going on and now we have a pond full of leopard frogs. There was even one born in our small lily pond, though … [Read more...]

  I bought myself a farm this week with a thousand head of livestock. Well, I call them livestock. Others might call them worms. Yes, I bought a worm farm with a thousand red wigglers. Why? My wife asked the same question, but there are four good reasons. First, I like worms. They are one of the most interesting creatures on the planet. Second, I have a small goldfish pond full of baby … [Read more...]

The Charlottesville Branch of the Division of Motor Vehicles is seeking a qualified individual as a Front Desk Service Associate to replace Isabel Fang, a longtime DMV employee. Isabel had to leave DMV because she got into a fight with a seeing-eye Pit Bull dog accompanying a blind customer trying to retitle his car. Isabel beat up the Pit Bull pretty badly and the Animal Rights people demanded … [Read more...]

I was treated to a dazzling display of special entertainment this week. My wife, Nancy, performed a little synchronized swimming act in our very own goldfish pond. It happened this way. Nancy had set up a row of chairs beside our pond for front-row observation of our frogs and goldfish. The chairs were less than a foot from the pond and I warned that someone could lose their balance and fall in. … [Read more...]

Fifty-three years is a long time – five decades and change. But that’s how long I have been married to the same lady, the former Nancy Angeline Goldsmith. We tied the knot on March 3, 1968. Remember 1968? Lyndon Johnson was in his last year of office and said there was no way in hell he’d run again. The Vietnam War hung like an albatross around his neck. 1968 was a year of turmoil with … [Read more...]

Sooner or later if you happen to be cooking, you’ll come across these instructions: Pour off the grease. This happens, for instance, when you brown hamburger. The burger gets brown but the grease just sits there and says, “Now what?” You will now be required to pour off the grease from the pan so your spaghetti sauce will not clog half the arteries in North America. But that’s not as simple as … [Read more...]