Do not let your wives see this article. They think we are a bunch of dumb bunnies and can’t cook our way out of a Kroger’s grocery bag. We’ll show ‘em. About this time every year, ladies go into the kitchen to make special holiday stuff – jellies, cookies, cakes, candy and even fruit cake. They take out every possible pot and pan along with every spice in the rack to create their … [Read more...]

  I began camping with a group of guys in the fall of 1980. Every spring and fall since then, we have reassembled, celebrating our 40th anniversary this October. On the initial camping trip to the Cranberry River in West Virginia, one of my campmates, George Gillespie - who was observing as I cooked breakfast - said that he would bring some Banner Sausage on the next trip and cook it. … [Read more...]

We have many laws governing our universe. There is the Law of Gravity, there is Einstein’s Law of Relativity, there is Newton’s Law of Motion and - of course – there is Brewer’s Law of the Cantaloupe Seed. What? You’ve never heard of Brewer’s Law of the Cantaloupe Seed. That’s only because of government-run schools. They don’t teach real science. The Law of the Cantaloupe Seed is well-proven … [Read more...]

They finally got James Bond. Maybe it was Dr. No, but probably Goldfinger. Yes, James Bond died this week. The real and only James Bond – Sean Connery. The others were imposters. They were like Mall Santa’s. Sean was the real deal. I read my first Ian Fleming book back in college. I had seen a review in Playboy Magazine (I only bought it for the articles). I couldn’t put the book down. Just … [Read more...]

  I’d like to meet him someday - the Strawberry Packer, a man of immense skills. The Strawberry Packer is in charge of distribution, to make sure that the strawberries are properly sorted in each 16-ounce container. If every strawberry in the carton was perfectly ripe and juicy, then customers would come to expect that and would surely end up disappointed. But the Strawberry Packer … [Read more...]

  My wife Nancy has become quite the “canner”. We have more Mason jars in our basement than Wal-Mart. Regularly, Nancy cans jalapeno peppers, tomatoes, pickles, doorknob peppers, pickled okra, beets and whatever our gardens produce. She is also into jams and jellies and recently put up 9 pints of peach preserves that are simply delicious. She calls it her “Liquid Gold”. Really … [Read more...]

(This has been around for a while, but it’s too good to print only once, y’all.) There ain't no magazine named "Northern Living" for good reason. Who wants to live up north? Nobody would buy the magazine! Southerners know everybody's first name: Honey  Darlin'  Shugah Southerners know their three religions: Bapdiss  Methdiss  Football Only a Southerner knows how many … [Read more...]

I am going to be rich. We’re talking “Buy-a-100-foot-yacht” rich. I suppose I’ll continue doing Cville Buzz, but just for fun. I won’t need any revenue. Rich! I’m going to be really rich. This morning when I went out in the back yard, I saw one chipmunk chasing another chipmunk. Chipmunks are fast as it is, they can haul chipmunk ass. But when one chipmunk is pissed about something and … [Read more...]

There are two types of motors. Those that don’t work now and those that soon won’t work. The Johnson’s, Mercury’s, Evinrude’s, Suzuki’s and Yamaha’s of this world are all the work of the devil. When you most need one to function, it doesn’t. Like on a balmy day on the Chesapeake, drifting along for flounder, not a care in the world. You turn the ignition on and the engine fairly purrs. You … [Read more...]