When I have little or nothing to do, I often pay Mr. Amazon a visit and see what new and improved gizmos I can add to my collection. Earlier this spring, I saw a Cucumber Trellis that I simply could not live without. This six-foot tall piece of heavy-duty garden equipment would allow me to plant several hills of cukes on each side of the trellis, and of course the vines would then scale the netting, making for easy picking and untold jars of Nancy’s famous sweet pickles.
The trellis was on my front porch in three days, and it was heavy. It was filled with steel bars and pins of various sizes and connections. There would be some assembly required.
I am not good with tools and I’m not particularly good at reading instructions so I waited a couple weeks to begin, hoping that maybe the tool fairies would appear one night at the stroke of midnight and assemble the garden accessory for me. But they didn’t. It stayed in the box, daring me to try to put it together.
I could tell this was a two Valium job and spread the box’s contents on the back patio.
There were 20 or 30 bars of various shapes and sizes, brackets and pins and all sorts of stuff. One by one, I checked off all the pieces listed in the instruction manual but was missing down rod connectors. I immediately notified Mr. Amazon, and he contacted the manufacturer. The next day they e-mailed and said they had already put the connectors on the rods to save me time. Hey, thanks for not putting that step in the instructions.
Now I had to take 2 more Valiums and resumed my task. After struggling for the better part of three hours trying to figure out which rod went where, I assembled the thing, and though not a work of art – it was a little lopsided – it stood up on its own free will. I then placed my masterpiece at the center of my little garden spot and retrieved my packet of cucumber seeds.
But these were not ordinary cucumber seeds. These were Organic, Hybrid, Non-Allergenic and Burpless Cucumber Seeds and they were quire pricey – like five-bucks a pack. When I opened the packet, there were only 15 or 16 seeds in all.
Carefully, I planted my several hills of Organic, Hybrid, Non-Allergenic and Burpless Cucumber Seeds, and the wait began.
In the meantime, my $1.29 okra seeds sprouted, my $1.29 squash seeds peeked through the earth and my brand-x sweet peas seeds are already knee-high. But not a single one of my $5 a package Organic, Hybrid, Non-Allergenic and Burpless Cucumber Seeds has emerged.
This afternoon, I’ll head to Lowe’s and buy a six-pack carton of cucumber plants that have already made it. And I’m hoping there will be no more assembly required.