Dear Santa,
I know you don’t get a lot of rounds in at the North Pole, what with the toy making season and 4 feet or snow through most of the year, but I sure love to play the game down here and I have listed a few special golfing gifts I’m hoping to find under my tree this Christmas.
First, a dozen balls. But I don’t want balls that go farther, spin better and have more control around the greens. I want some balls that don’t think they always have to visit the right side of the course every time I drive. Some would say that I’m a chronic slicer, but I know it’s not me – it’s the damned balls. I’d like a dozen that go straight, even if it’s just every now and then.
I’d also like some tees that have a built in mechanism against teeing the ball so high that when you swing, the ball hits the top of the club, pops up in the air and makes it to just short of the ladies tees. I’d like a pack of tees that know better than that.
I’d also like a new ball marker, to place beneath my ball on the rare occasion that I knock one up on the green. I’d like the ball marker to be able to direct my putt in the general direction of the hole, that round thing the greens keeper carves on the putting surface that you’re supposed to only take two putts to knock it in. My golf marker sometimes cause me to hit three of four times before someone finally says, “It’s good. Let’s go!”
And I’d like a new sand wedge. My old wedge can’t quite make up its mind as to whether to hit a half foot behind the ball in the sand trap and send it all of six inches, or to strike it directly on impact, sending my golfing partners scattering in all directions on the other side of the green.
If you just bring me these few things this Christmas, next year I’m going to ask for a new set of shank-less irons