Okay, you Pingites or Pingatereans, whatever your names. You know who you are. You make some of the greatest golf equipment in the world. But I have a complaint.
This Christmas, my wife gave me a new Ping putter. It cost $149.95. I know this because the clerk put it in a box for her, sealed it up and forgot to take the price tag off. I’m leaving the tag on, though, because my first set of golf clubs, some bargain-basement Wilson’s, didn’t cost half that much. So I’m as proud of the price tag as I am of the new putter. My old putter, by the way, was an Acushnet that I bought in college in 1963. I think it was $9.95 at the time, which is the equivalent of $500 in today’s inflated dollars, so I know a thing or two about expensive equipment.
There was nothing really wrong with my old putter. The welder had actually been able to straighten the shaft after I wrapped it around a sycamore tree, but the only time it ever knocked balls in the hole was on gimmees. If you beg for gimmees, by the way, sometimes they’ll give you the five-footers. That was my best chance.
But now, equipped with a $149.95 putter, I figured I’d be able to teach Hank Haney a few thinks about lag putts and curling 50-footers. The day after Christmas I took it out to the range and putted a little on the practice green. Amazing! I was sinking 20-footers with regularity. Well, maybe not regularity, but I did sink one 20-footer that ricocheted off a previously putted ball. But it went in the hole! And this was just the first time I used my new putter. Things were looking up.
My complaint is what happened after that, when I actually went out and played a round with my evil golf partners – Satan’s three younger brothers. We had big money on our round – a dollar on the front and back and a dollar overall. I’d like to say I do my best when money is on the line. I’d like to say that, but it’s not true. Twenty-five cent Nassau gives me the dry heaves. But! But! With my new $149.95 Ping putter, the guys wouldn’t have a chance.
On the first hole, I was staring down a tricky 10-footer for my birdie, or maybe it was a double bogey. I can’t remember which. All the other guys had putted out and were now waiting for me as I circled the hole for the 7th time, then got down on my stomach to try grasp the subtle nuances of the undulating green.
“It’s straight in, Brewer! Putt the damned thing!”
So I lined it up, made a smooth backstroke, came forward and knocked it 7 feet past the hole.
“We’ll give it to you, come on,” they said.
So I two-putted the first hole, not bad. My complaint is that after 18 holes, this putter, this $149.95 putter, can’t read greens any better than my old one. Several times I left it 6-feet short, which is hard to do with a 12-foot putt, and once I knocked it 20 feet past the hole and into a greenside bunker. Damned those downhill putts! Overall, I was pretty bummed with the results.
But this is a warning, Pingites. I’m not going to send my putter back – this time, but you guys better get your act together soon. This spring I’m thinking about a new lob wedge!
Sincerely,
Jim Brewer