Bill, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new dog. His search ended when he found a retriever that could actually walk on water to fetch the ducks. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.
One day Bill decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, Frank, an eternal pessimist, who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would be impressive so Bill invited Frank on a duck hunt with the new dog.
As they waited in the blind, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog jumped into the water, but instead of sinking and swimming, the dog walked out across the water and retrieved the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long. Each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.
Frank watched carefully, but never said a word.
On the drive home, Bill finally asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual today?”
“Yeah. Your dog can’t swim.”
Two good ol’ boys drive a long distance to try out a new fishing spot. They buy a variety of bait and lures and rent a boat. After a long day of fishing, the two return to the dock. The first fisherman pulls their only catch from the live well, a scrawny bass, barely legal. He says, “This one fish cost us $100”. The second fisherman says, “Yeah, it’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more.”
A couple of young guys were fishing on a special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the game warden!
Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods. Hot on his heels came the game warden. After about a half mile, the guy stopped suddenly, and stooped over with his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath as the game warden finally caught up to him.
“Let’s see yer fishin’ license, boy!” the warden demanded. With that, the guy pulled out his wallet and gave the game warden a complete and valid set of fishing licenses.
“Well, son, “said the Game Warden. “You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You didn’t have to run from me if you had a license!
“Maybe so, sir,” replied the young man. “But my friend back there, well, he didn’t have one.”
Two morons rent a boat and go fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to the shore. The first guy says, “I hope you remember the spot where we caught all those fish.”
“Of course I do,” the other moron said. “In fact, I made an ‘X’ on the side of the boat to mark that exact spot.”
“You idiot! How do you know we’ll get the same boat?”
A priest was walking along the seaside cliffs when he came upon two locals pulling another man ashore at the end of a long rope. “That’s what I like to see,” said the priest as he passed by. “A man helping his fellow man.”
As the priest walked away, one man remarked to the other, “He doesn’t know much about shark fishing, does he?”
Steve was going for his morning walk one day when he saw a sign in Ollie’s yard saying, “Boat for Sale.” This confused Steve because he knew that Ollie didn’t own a boat, so he decided to go in and ask him about it.
“Hey Ollie,” said Steve, “I noticed da sign in your yard dat says ‘Boat For Sale,’ but ya ain’t never been fishin’ and you don’t even have a boat. All ya have is your old John Deere tractor and the combine.”
To which Ollie calmly replied, “Yep, and they’re boat for sale.”