“Please hold. An operator will be with you shortly!”
Yeah, right. And those are friendly Indians, General Custer.
Next to an IRS audit, the thing I hate worse in life is having to call a utility company. I had to make such a call last week to shut off phone service as my business was changing locations. The call was to Century Link, a pillar of customer service.
“If you’d like to check your balance, press one.”
“If you’d like to upgrade your current service, press two.”
“If you’d like to report service disruption, press three.”
“If you would like to hear about our new line of cell phones, press four.”
“If you’d like to dangle on the phone until the world comes to an end and listen to bad music, press five.”
I did.
And I waited and waited and waited. But then I put the phone on speaker mode and wrote a novel as I waited. I was starting on the second novel, when an actual person came on the line. I think she was from Pakistan but was very nice. I explained – in my best English – that I would like to discontinue service to the phone at the old address as I was moving.
She asked me the last 4 digits of my social, then asked me to recite the 12-digit number to my account, then she asked me who won the 1943 World Series, and finally she asked me to stand on one foot and sing the National Anthem – of Spain.
I did it all, except I faked the Spanish National anthem, but she couldn’t tell the difference.
She then said she would put me on hold while she checked her records.
I wrote another novel, then she returned.
“Are you sure you want to cancel your service, Mr. Brewer?”
Yes, I’m sure.
She put me on hold again, and I ate my lunch, swept the floor, and reorganized my file cabinets.
At length, and I mean at length, she said that she had completed her paperwork and the service would be discontinued on the agreed time and date.
I thanked her profusely and asked about her family in Pakistan. She said they were doing well.
I then hung up and dialed Rappahannock Electric.
“Press one, if you’d like to…..”