I mowed my onions today, and such a shame. It looked like a bumper crop on the way. I don’t grow grass very well, probably since I have not fertilized since Spiro Agnew resigned as Vice President. Fertilize? Why encourage the little green pests? At least once a week, I’m out there pushing away with my mower, getting the grass under control when I could be out on the golf course making a fool of myself.
But onions? Man, I can grow some onions. The little clumps pop up everywhere in my yard and I wonder how that happens. Are there onion fairies that transplant wild onion bulbs while we sleep? Or do onion worms tunnel beneath the ground and push new onion sets through the dirt? Who knows, but I have lots of wild onions. When I finish mowing the yard, I smell like the Sous Chef in charge of chopping onions at an Italian restaurant.
They say you can kill wild onions with certain chemicals, but if I had no wild onions, my yard would be brown until June.
While mowing, I did notice a few slivers of green grass mixed in with my onion farm, but the grass is just getting its first wind. It was the two-foot onion plants that needed a haircut. That should slow them down until fall when they take off again.
Let the onions be on notice. I have a sharp mower and I will be coming after you.