The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. “Your holiness,” said one of the Cardinals, “Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior by challenging one of us to a golf match.” The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life. “Not to worry,” said the Cardinal, “we’ll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We’ll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres. We can’t lose!” Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack, even though he was now a senior golfer, was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. “I came in second, your Holiness,” said Cardinal Nicklaus. “Second?” exclaimed the surprised Pope. “You came in second to Shimon Peres?”
“No,” said Nicklaus, “second to Rabbi McIlroy.”
It was a sunny Sunday morning, and Murray was beginning to visualize his upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker. “Would the gentleman on the ladies’ tee please back up to the men’s tee.”
Murray remained in his routine, seemingly unfazed by the interruption.
A little louder: “Would the man on the women’s tee kindly back up to the men’s tee!”
Murray raised up out of his stance, lowered his driver, and shouted, “Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?”
Do you know why the game is called golf? Because all the other four letter words were taken.
Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five.
“You think so much of your old golf game that you don’t even remember when we were married,” said the pouting wife. “Of course I do, my dear – it was the day I sank that thirty-foot putt.”
Which is the easiest golf stroke? The fourth putt!
During a Pro Am, Arnold Palmer’s partner asked, “Well Arnold, what do you think of my game?” “It’s OK,” said Arnie, “but I prefer golf!”
