These have been around for a while, but they are classics and well describe the game of golf.
– If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is: Horace G. Hutchinson
– They say golf is like life, but don’t believe them. Golf is more complicated than that: Gardner Dickinson
– If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they’d starve to death: Sam Snead
– Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness: William Wordsworth
– If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt: Dean Martin
– Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk: Grantland Rice
– Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five: John Updike
– It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf: Robert Lynd
– If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up: Tommy Bolt
– Man blames fate for all other accidents but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one: Bishop Fulton J. Sheen
– I don’t say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced: Arnold Palmer
– My handicap? Woods and irons: Chris Codiroli
– The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top: Pete Dye
– I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them: Buddy Hackett
– The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf: Billy Graham
– If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball: Jack Lemmon
– It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling: Mark Twain
– Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty: Harry Vardon
– Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them: Ray Willis
– May the ball lie in green pastures, and not in the still waters or small, round sandy regions: Ben Hogan
– If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle: Dan Waterman
– The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie: George Deukmejian
– Remember: Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe: Lee Trevino