“And do you, Jim, promise to have and hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, and do you promise to give up all your personal space for so long as you both shall live?”
And did I ever.
While you gain a wonderful, lifetime partner in a marriage, you lose space. Your house or apartment is taken over completely. Walls where you would normally hang a mounted deer head are off-limits. Places you would set up an indoor nerf basketball court are not even considered. You are no longer allowed to leave a miniature putting green on the living room rug and you can definitely not use the dining table to display your arrowhead collection.
And bathroom space? Forget about it.
I have a green hairbrush, it’s sorta large, but I like it. Unfortunately, it has been banned from the bathroom countertop. It must be placed in a certain basket in the corner or it turns up missing, missing as in the trash can.
My bride, on the other hand, has a veritable cosmetics boutique occupying all her dresser tops and 95% of the bathroom. I am allowed one of the holes in the toothbrush holder, but it’s in the way back.
Closet space is also at a premium. Women’s clothing is like a kudzu plant in a closet – it takes over. Whatever space you start out with in a closet shrinks quickly and sometimes disappears altogether. If you are lucky, you get a little space in one of the guestroom closets. If we ever moved into a house with his and hers closets, they would soon be hers and hers closets.
Some husbands are fortunate to have “man caves”, places they can decorate as they choose and places to go watch football games and drink beer. But sooner or later, even man caves disappear. Kudzu-packing wives eventually take over everything.