As men age, they either go bald or turn gray. Some say that having gray hair is better than none at all, but I’m not convinced. Gray hair looks distinguished, at first. Then it begins to lose its thickness and natural oils and turns from gray to an off-white. After a blow dry in the morning, you look like a Q-Tip that stuck its toe in an electrical outlet. So gray (white) isn’t necessarily better and I’m in that category. I needed something to put on my hair to look presentable in company.
I went to the grocery store where they have 4 huge aisles of beauty and cosmetic aids. Of those 4 huge aisles, there were maybe four feet on the bottom of one of the racks with men’s stuff. The hair treatments they had were either to regrow lost hair (right!) or some kind of caulk-like gel that would have sealed the leak on the Titanic.
Don’t they make hair tonic anymore?
Remember hair tonic? Vitalis comes to mind. Cary Grant used Vitalis for that slicked back look. So did Nat King Cole, Victor Mature and Tony Curtis. Vitalis dominated TV commercials in the 1950s and early 60s. Other hair treatments from way back when include Bryll Creme (just a little dab ‘ll do ya”). Groom and Clean, Murray’s Pomade (the hair treatment equivalent of petroleum jelly) and Wild Root Cream Oil. Just for the hell of it, I went online to see if they even make this stuff anymore.
They do, actually, so I flipped a coin to decide between Vitalis and Wildroot Cream Oil. Wildroot won and I ordered a bottle. I used it this morning and – though no one will confuse me with Cary Grant – it put a bit of body in my gray/white locks and calmed down the frizzies. It reminded me of the old commercial:
Get Wildroot Cream Oil, Charlie;
It keeps your hair in trim.
You see, it’s nonalcoholic, Charlie;
It’s made with soothin’ lanolin…
It also took me back to the day when every young man carried a comb in his back pocket and girls loved to get their fingers in your hair.